Cheap van insurers scrub up well!

Cheap van insurance is a funny thing. You see, you have Vancover.co.uk lets say - the cheap van insurance specialist who go that extra cheap van insuring mile to make your cheap van insuring life that much better; and then you have other van insurers, who aren't in any way cheap when it comes to cheap van insurance, who tend to inadvertently make your cheap van insuring life a misery. Not content are these laughable cheap van insurers with not arranging what Vancover.co.uk call cheap van insurance, they make cheap van insurers hate them even more by conducting none cheap van insurance related surveys. Over and over again. Cheap van insurers Vancover.co.uk keeps it real. Cheap van insurance that is. They like a cheap van insuring laugh from time to time, one of the cheap van insuring reasons they employed our cheap van insuring staff writer here at Vancover.co.uk; who brings you this pearl.

I don't know about you mate, but some things really give me 'reasons to hate'. Take that wedge-headed bint Davina McCall, whose insincerity is as overwhelming, as her use is under. She thinks she's hip. She's not. She thinks she's in touch with the youth. So did Matthew Kelly. Continually shouting at me from the corner of the living room, McCall irritates me to the point where I want to scratch my eyeballs out, bathe them in Swarfiga, and then pop them back into their itchy sockets. With the catch never closed on her jaw mechanism, and harnessing all the intelligence a moth could muster, McCall is unchallenged in the 'reasons to hate' category. Or at least I thought so. Until now. Today ushers in the results of yet another poll that should never have seen the harsh, unapproving light of day. This time, and it's a bloody van study. Some divvies in positions of near-authority have asked people as to what their all-time favourite white van slogan is. Like bothering Stan Boardman as to what his favourite joke ever told is. Being that he never was in any way amusing.

So do you want to know what it is? Didn't think so, but it's listed here, along with 9 others, all the same. I mean, come on..I know, that like me, you'd rather see the Top 10 of our bosomed buddies, or a countdown of footy facts, or failing that, a World Cup of beverages - something remotely interesting. Instead you have mucky messages on the back of your Trannie-van. Does life get any better? 'The slogans, scrawled on the backs of dirty vans up and down the country, have become as much of a national institution as fish and chips and cups of tea'. No, I can assure you they haven't. Unless of course you read the Guardian; and immerse yourself in supposed working-class-ness for an hour, thinking how quaint it all is. Before you take your Labrador out. Jeez. I wish someone would take you lot out. Permanently. And the winner is...? Well, if anyone gave a s**t it's; "If only my wife was this dirty". The thirty-something architects of which still live at home with their mums, and keep their bedroom doors locked for good reason. Anyway, brace yourselves for this lot;

The top ten slogans are:

1. If only my wife was this dirty - if only you had the equipment to reproduce.

2. Also available in white - well blow me - you should have your own show.

3. White, with a hint of M42 - laughed? I nearly widdled down my overall leg.

4. I'm a Porsche underneath - written by someone who by rights should be made to seek work.

5. Test dirt, DO NOT WASH - ho hum.

6. Meant to roam, no time for foam - care in the community has a lot to answer for.

7. The older you get, the dirtier you are - didn't think arthritis would allow you to scrawl this old boy.

8. Dirty but fun - just like your missus last night mate.

9. For sale: mop and bucket - never used - unlike the heavily-used giro hanging out your arse pocket.

10. And your mother said I was dirty... - no. She said you should go somewhere quiet until you evolve.

So who's responsible for all this mirth? Why none other than a laugh-a-lifetime no-mark from some 2-bit Motor Insurer, who, firstly isn't Vancover.co.uk, and secondly, when threatened with being named, Gev Lynott instantly stuttered the following: "Britain's van drivers are the foot soldiers of our economy, and as much a part of our culture as Barbara Windsor and Coronation Street." 2 further crass examples why you should stick to do whatever you do best. Obviously not cheap van insurance otherwise you would be employed by Vancover.co.uk, and not wasting your pitiful existence documenting the unnecessary.

Cheap van insurers Vancover.co.uk on the other hand make your very existence worthwhile. Better than worthwhile in fact, as cheap van insurer's Vancover.co.uk lay on their cheap van insurance pretty thick. Give Vancover.co.uk your cheap van insurance demands, and they'll lighten your cheap van insuring workload immediately. Call Vancover.co.uk right now.

Date - 21/09/2006